It is always Good vs Evil

I am so sorry guys, it has been a heck of a long time since I have put fingers to key board and spoke about what is happening in my life. I don't know whether I am detail and struggling to accept the events and things happening in my life in the last few months. Or the fact that my brain is an emotional concoction of thoughts, prohibiting me to sort through them and write pen to paper and paper to laptop. But here we go, I will give it ago. It is time to reorganise my thoughts...

Do you ever waking up in a state of panic and feel like you are falling from a height. Well recently I discovered that this is known as a hypnic jerk and is a common sleep disturbance experienced by many. It is your body muscles relaxing and a miscommunication to your brain which makes it feel like your body is falling. That is the scientific version of this sleep disturbance. However in my brain I feel like I am waking up in the nightmare which is occurring day by day in my life. I wish there was a big switch on the wall which could temporarily stop life for a few hours so you can work out where you are and what you are doing. I wake up everyday feeling like I am running an ongoing marathon - whenever I reach the end a new stretch occurs and I have to keep running.

I have grown up in a privileged household. I have a fantastic family and I am so lucky to be born into such a caring couple who I am proud to call my parents. However, not every house hold is lucky enough to perfected unfortunately we have been battling the ongoing road of cancer with my little sister.

In 2013 my brave little sister was diagnosed with a rare sarcoma in her liver, and ever since that day our family bond has grown closer and we are unbreakable. I never really understood the "world of cancer" until this unruly earth decided to throw in our family head first. You watch the films and read the books but never truly understand the pain in causes to a family until you are walking the corridors of that ward. Oncology wards are a truly dark and disturbing place. You see bald heads and blood transfusions, the "classical chemo infusion" but what films fail to mention and show are the determination on the little kids faces. The smiles they constantly permit. The strength and courage in their eyes and the laughter they bring to themselves. For 4 years I have lived with a hero in my house and in inspiration in my heart.

I have always wanted to meet a superhero and I am proud to say that every day I get to wake up and look at such an inspiration and a true solider!

Living in the constant unknowing and in the dark has both broken and rebuilt me. I have battled emotions I never thought I would have to face. And I have dug myself out of deep holes which at times I felt were caving in around me. But it has taught me that life is to short to wallow in what you don't have. I have had my life fall apart me around me. I remember the feeling of standing on an open stretch of land and it concaving around me. But the power of my family built bridges for me to climb out. In the last months I have had the worst emotional journey I think I will ever have to face. Finding out that a precious part of your life battling a terminal disease, having your heart torn from your chest and the feeling that you are losing your mental stability sends you into a whirlwind of uncertainty. But - coming out of it the other side with a smile on your face and healed war wounds reminds me how strong my family is. And how lucky I am to have been brought into a family which provides, loves and cares for me.

Please remember to never take things for granted and remember who truly loves you and keep them close to your heart. As they will be the ones to patch it back up when it breaks.

All my love, Bekah!